Mother's Day 2012

This may have been one of the hardest weekends I've had in a long time. Emotions have been close to the surface and it seems just about anything can make me start crying. Bet you're excited to keep reading, eh? :)

Let me explain.

My siblings and I drove home to Spokane, Washington to attend the funeral of our dear friend, Sheri. Perhaps it was the reality of being back in my hometown without Sheri walking through our front door the moment we arrived, or seeing her children without their mom, or being at the actual viewing and funeral. Either way it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I was a mess! It was such an honor to play the piano at her funeral, and I'm amazed I got through that experience without losing composure. Everything about the occasion paid such a beautiful tribute to an amazing mother and friend. And ironically enough, it just so happened to fall on Mother's Day weekend.

I will miss Sheri so, so, so much. Like I've mentioned before, we are all comforted in knowing that she is with her loving spouse, Keith, and that families are forever. Her five children will get to see her again, and even better, will be with her for eternity. What a beautiful promise. Until then, the Bird kids are unofficially adopted into our family. I can't wait for future holidays and family vacations with them. (Lindsay, Sheri's youngest daughter, one of my best friends/former roommates, and the strongest girl I know is on the far left).

And then there's more.

Not that I was trying to make the weekend about me in any way, in fact I hated that this happened on such an important weekend, but I was greeted with an unwanted friend {on the day of the funeral, no less} that was one more reminder that I would not be becoming a mother within the next 9 months or so (you catch my drift?). Motherhood is such a divine calling. It is honored and celebrated, as we all saw through pictures, breakfasts-in-beds, and flowers given to Mother's all over the country on this lovely weekend. Don't get me wrong, every. single. mother. deserves all the attention and love they received. Mother's are amazing. It's just that when you want it so bad and it doesn't happen for a while, part of you starts to feel a little... left behind. I've been told how Mother's Day is a hard day for those battling infertility, but this particular year I really felt it. I'm not in that league of divine Mother's yet. I can't wait till I am, but it's a frustrating reality that I do not know when that will be. (I've come across a few blog posts that reflect on some of these issues and provided comfort -- read here, here, and here, if you'd like).

I know some day it will work out. We are working really hard to make that happen (think doctor visits, needles, and prescriptions). Knowing what's ahead of me (mostly from watching my sister struggle), scares me half to death. But I know it will be worth it, and I will do anything to get there. I am learning a great deal of patience. I'm so grateful for the friends and family who offer never-ending support, and most of all, I am grateful I could be with my own mother on this Mother's day. Crying on her shoulder was exactly what I needed. I love you, Mom!

{Photo from my birthday in 2011}