Before it's no longer October I better document the fact that my two sweet babies turned ONE on October 15th! I cannot believe that I have two 1 year-olds. Actually, wait, let me take that back. I can believe it because life has suddenly hit a whole new level of craziness. My day is consumed by cleaning up messes all over the house, chasing babies and keeping them from dirt or rocks or anything else they can get their hands on. But it's also consumed by double the giggles, smiles and cuddles. I really feel so grateful for Max and Clara.

A lot of people have asked me if this year has gone by fast - the answer to that is mostly "no." :) This has been, by far, the hardest and longest year of my life. We have been beyond exhausted for over 365 days, and I know that exhaustion probably won't really go away. We have had a lot of loooooong nights and early mornings. But it does seem crazy that my two itsy bitsy babies are now huge 1 year olds! I say "huge" because, really, they are big babies. 

Max at 1 year:

Weight - 24 lb, 87%

Height - 32.3 in, 99%

Head - 49 cm, 98%

Clara at 1 year:

Weight - 22 lb 4 oz, 83%

Height - 30.5 in, 90%

Head - 47 cm, 93%

We celebrated a few days after their birthday with some family and friends. It was a fun little party in our backyard. Max and Clara are so loved!

Toys are obviously meant to be eaten.

The highly anticipated "double cake smash" didn't really go down how I would have hoped. Both Max and Clara kind of just poked the cakes. It may have been that they were just so distracted by all the people staring at them. Silly babies. If only they knew!

Pom-poms and confetti!

I love my little family of four! 

Leaves

I think one of the greatest joys of being a mother is watching your babies discover things for the first time. Like leaves, for instance. Such a basic, ordinary occurrence of life is a novelty for these babies who know only those things Russ and I have exposed them to. But boy, did they love leaves!

We drove up to the American Fork canyon today for a picnic and scenic drive. I love living here in Utah where the mountains are a short drive away. I feel so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by such beauty every day. The babies love being in the mountains. Every time we have gone they get so excited and just liven up. 

They were so excited, in fact, that it was pretty much near impossible to get them both to look away from those leaves! :)

I love, love, LOVE Max's face in this picture. 

My handsome boy! He looks like a kid. SOMEONE STOP TIME PLEASE!

And my beautiful, sweet and sassy girl! Those eyes kill me every time.

"Hi, mom!" 

I kind of have a thing for "throwing pictures." Luckily both of them love to be thrown! 

 We made sure to stay until both Max and Clara were nice and dirty.

 ... and sufficiently wet. No one can keep Max away from water!

Little Mill campground seriously was amazing! Look at those yellow leaves and that gorgeous river. 

And then we continued our drive through the other side of the canyon. Breathtaking is the only way to describe it! 

The quaking aspens...

... and an array of fall colors. 

And that was our day. I can't wait till our next "mini adventure" with the babies! They bring so much renewed excitement to life. 

A Necessary Update on Life and Such

Thanks for all of the nice comments regarding my last post. It's really helpful to just get some of those "real" thoughts out into the world, and I know I always appreciate hearing that fellow moms have rough times here and there. 

With that said, these last few months have been so busy! I thought it was high time that I did a general update of what's been goin' on! And here begins a picture overload:

Splash pads are a hit with these babes. I will be sad when the cold weather comes and I can't just sit my babies in puddles and let them splash around to their hearts' content. :)

Bucket seat swings. It really is the simple things in life.

We have gone on a few small hikes. One thing we love about living in Utah is how close we are to the mountains! We were at this particular trailhead in about 15 minutes. Max and Clara loved the waterfall and river!

We have been to a lot of concerts this last month or so! We saw Elton John with my family (always amazing), Blake Shelton with Russ's siblings (not as good, sadly. We left early actually!), and last week we went to a free Fictionist/Neon Trees concert. It was amazing.

Watching Fictionist. I really love concerts. And Russ. :)

As I mentioned in my last post, I've been running a lot lately and am actually doing a half marathon in a few weeks. I love how running gets me outside and let's me see sights such as this. God has created such a beautiful world!

I got to reconnect with some of my really good friends from college! It's so fun to see all of us with babies running around (and on the way! Both girls on the ends were pregnant in this picture. So many babies!)

Meal times take up so much of my day. Three times a day we are sitting at these high chairs, sometimes for over an hour at a time. I would be lying if I said it didn't get tedious at times, but I know this is just a phase! Max is particularly picky and painstakingly slow, but he makes for some great pictures. :) He will refuse so many foods, and than randomly love tomato basil soup? 

This slide is in our neighborhood and is meant for twins, obviously! ;)

We still love bath time. It's pretty great.

This last weekend we watched general conference for our church. It is always so inspiring and makes me want to me a better person. And plus, I love the excuse it provides to be lazy and lay around all weekend as a family. 

This picture was also during general conference. These babies sure love their daddy. Moments like this make my heart feel like they are going to burst!

Let's Be Real.

I try really hard to keep up with this blog, because I know that someday in the future I will be grateful for the updates and documentation. I've been slacking lately, mostly because I didn't feel like I had anything "post-worthy." But that's the thing - my blog is about life in general, so I am going to talk about life. I will not be offended if you stop reading! 

I'm just going to keep it real on this post. No sugar-coating. Just to make sure it's clear, this is not a "feel bad for me" post. I'm really not looking for pity, mostly just a sounding board for some of my recent thoughts and struggles. Hear me out. 

Max and Clara will be 1 in less than two weeks! What?!? Totally crazy. When I was pregnant with two babies at one time, I received a lot of advice that "it get's easier" or "make it through the first year and you are good!" Right now I want to find those people who said those things (I actually cannot remember), grab them by the shoulders and say "why did you lie to me!?" Quite honestly, I feel like I'm drowning. The twins are harder now than they have ever been even though we are mere weeks away from that "blessed first birthday." 

We are in the crawling phase, which means they are into everything (X2). Yet they can't do anything by themselves. For instance, if we want to get some fresh air and go outside it's not just "walk outside and get fresh air." I carry one baby out, set them in the grass and hurry to go inside to get the other. That first baby usually cries because they think I am abandoning them outside, meanwhile I have anxiety that they will crawl into the street or something crazy. I run inside, get the second baby, walk back out to the grass and set that baby down. Great, now what? Toys. I need toys. I run back inside, grab a blanket, toys, spatulas, whatever I can for them to be entertained. We sit outside, there is usually some grabbing of the face or poking of eyes, stealing toys, desperately trying to keep them separate yet happy. Whew. Ok, time for lunch. Carry one baby inside, set them down (tears), run back out and get the second baby, set them in the high chair. Oh yeah, all the toys/blankets. Get both babies in high chairs, make them happy with some puffs, and go retrieve all of the toys that I took outside that didn't really serve any purpose. 

Was that worth it?!? Blech.

Anyway, that is just a blip of a 20 minute phase of my day. I think it will be better once I can say "let's go play outside! Run outside!" Haha. Oh the things I look forward to. 

And then naps. Naps rule my life. I have 4 naps I am working around, so any plans I make to meet people or be somewhere at a certain time usually go out the window. People say I need to ask for help. I really do try, but usually naps get in the way. Like today for instance. I had arranged with my mom for me to drop them off for an hour so I could run some errands baby-free. I got Max down at our usual nap time, then Clara fought that second nap for over an hour until she finally crashed. 30 minutes after she crashed Max woke up. It was already 3:30. Clara didn't wake up until 4:30, so by the time I loaded two babies in the car and got to my mom's it was almost 5. I furiously ran 1 1/2 errand until I went to get the babies to meet Russ for a quick bite to eat (making dinner?! ha! Not today!). Because everything was thrown off, by the time we got to the restaurant both babies were past hunger and just plain fussy. Scarf food, speed home, get both babies in bed after much crying and screaming. I tried, I really tried. 

And I must mention the exhaustion. Pure exhaustion. I'm so tired in so many ways. And that, sadly, will probably never go away. 

Ok, I think my point has been made. It's been tough, and I'm just trying to "hang in there." I am trying to do things for myself - I'm actually running a 1/2 marathon in a few weeks and running makes me feel better. I know this is a phase and some day I will look back and think "wow, I got through that!" 

And now it's time for bed. Mr. Max likes to wake up in the 5 o' clock hour which makes for some early mornings in this household! Again, I hope no one feels this is a pity post. Just keepin' it real. 

Thanks for reading. It feels good to get those feelings out there.

I sure love my little babies.